Charlie Brown, The Pillsbury Doughboy, Spongebob Squarepants, Snoopy – these are all staple floats for the annual Macy’s day parade. Pretty vanilla across the board. Nothing that will shock the crowd or the millions watching from home. But what if Macy’s decided to turn the tables? Spice things up with fictional and non fictional characters of people of the past and present. And that’s exactly what we did. Here’s a hypothetical short list of floats that could be thrown in the lineup to raise some brows:
Quite possibly the best short-term villain in TV history. He didn’t even last a full season before getting his brains blasted out the back of his head by Asac Schrader. He’s a meth peddling, meth addicted, stone cold killer. Having him hover 50 feet above street onlookers would be a true spectacle. Silver teeth and forehead meth scars and all. Should make for an interesting explanation to the kids.
Not that controversial you say? Only a fluffy Disney character? He savagely murdered his brother, tried to kill his nephew, and more than likely raped his sister-in-law. He also ran a coalition with terrorist hyenas that destroyed a once prosperous kingdom. Might be the sneaky #1 on this list.
When you think of controversial you don’t think of Lamar Odom. But its rare when the world gets a first person view of another mans downward spiral. Not a fan of the whole Kardashian clan or any extended members, but since Lamar is back on the pipe and hates the TV family I kind of dig him. Never the less, a cracked out shirtless floaty hovering over the city would be a pretty shocking scene. Again, explaining that train wreck to your kid would be another form of birth control for myself.
For those of you who don’t know who this guy is, I apologize for bringing him into your life. Some call him the undisputed king of punk rock and an absolute legend. Others call him a feces throwing waste of life. Because that’s what he did. He would take laxatives before his shows and fling his own feces at the crowd along with rolling around in broken glass in a leather thong. Ya, pretty bad stuff. Now throw an 80 foot floaty replica of this bloody mess in the air and see how the city reacts.