Satirical Spotlight: NYK fans want Jeremy Lin dead after poor performance against Heat

(Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images)

Jeremy Lin came crashing down to Earth in last night’s game against the Miami Heat. Lin was terrible. He went 1-11 from the field, had 8 turnovers, and was abused by Heat guard Mario Chalmers. And to most NYK fans, “Linsanisty” is no more. It’s straight up Jeremy now. The appeal is gone. And with the diminishing appeal comes angered and let down fans. Fans that are taking Lin’s 8 point performance last night to heart. They feel disrespected, let down, and crossed.  Catching up with boiling Knick fans in the streets last night confirmed those shared feelings.

“I want him dead!!!!!!” said a burly Jewish New York butcher.  “Only eight points?  And eight turnovers? If you had a stat line like that growing up in my neighborhood, you would have your throat cut.”

And the hostility flowed throughout the New York streets.

“I’m ashamed to be Asian” said a quarter Asian mail man.  “Lin gave me hope.  Every game should be his best.  Not this eight point crap!”  The quarter Asian mail man’s anger was building.  “How can he do this to us!?! To me!?!”

But nobody was as direct to the point as the ten-year old orphan girl who was wearing a Jeremy Lin jersey.

“No one sleeps until Jeremy Lin’s head is delivered to my front step”.

And from the streets of NY to the Knicks locker room, the same feelings towards Lin were spreading to the players.

“It’s tough man” said Knicks forward Carmelo Anthony.  “You try to stay with your teammates through thick and thin, but, ya know, tonight was reprehensible.  No one needed to see that.  Man, I got nothing else to say”.  Carmelo stormed away from reporters and knocked a bowl of Asian chicken stir fry off the buffet table, splattering it everywhere.

“Times like these, I tell my team to stick together” said NYK head coach Mike D’Antoni.  “But there comes a breaking point when you have to say the hell with a player and hope they rot in hell.  Now is that breaking point.  Jeremy Lin should be ashamed of himself”.

Rumors are swirling that Lin has been discussed in trades this morning, but teams are jaded about the Asian reporter.  Simply put by one anonymous GM, “Who would want an eight point Asian?”.

 

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