How to handle the most bullshit laundry move…

Short on wife beaters, socks, and undies I walked downstairs to my building’s fancy laundry facility to do some laundry last night. And when I got down there I saw something I’ve been seeing for years: Someone’s laundry was already in the washer, but the cycle was complete. And since they weren’t around and didn’t time up their wash perfectly like I do, I was in a common laundry debate with myself. Do I move this complete strangers clothes from the washer to the dryer or do I wait like an asshole for them to eventually come down and switch their loads themselves? Unsure and short on time last night, I quickly weighed the pros and cons of the situation:

Waiting for the stranger to do it themselves:

Pros
– Not touching someone elses clothes

Cons
– Wastes time
– Doesn’t allow me to have clean socks and underwear the next day
– Forces me to wear gym shorts as underwear
– I smell so bad the next day I get heckled from co-workers and they give me a nickname like “tuna can”. I am unable to take such scrutiny that the following week I attempt to kill myself by jumping off the company roof but only end up breaking both ankles and femurs.

Removing the laundry myself:

Pros
– Speeds up my laundry process
– Speeds up the strangers laundry process
– Speeds up the entire buildings laundry process
– Could find some sexy under garments from female neighbors

Cons
– Get caught removing the strangers personal belongings
– The chance of touching something gross (one time I did this and it was with children’s clothes and a small piece of feces fell on the floor out of a mini pair of jeans. It was horrible. Needless to say I ran the washer three times with nothing in it to sterilize it)
– Could find some disgusting under garments from female neighbors

So last night I obviously chose the non aggressive move.  I waited until the stranger removed their laundry themselves.  And as a result I am wearing gym shorts underneath my suit pants right now.

If someone calls me “tuna can” one more time today, I’m gona lose it.

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4 thoughts on “How to handle the most bullshit laundry move…

  1. CHart says:

    Moose, you gotta make the aggressive move there..just grin and bear it..you take out the strangers’ clothes and you spread them all over the room willy nilly style. Then if the stranger arrives you can quickly say “someone threw these all over the room, I was trying to gather them for you.” And if they don’t come then you get some satisfaction knowing you effed up their day. Finally, you avoid wearing gym shorts as underwear. Pce out Tuna Can

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