Short on wife beaters, socks, and undies I walked downstairs to my building’s fancy laundry facility to do some laundry last night. And when I got down there I saw something I’ve been seeing for years: Someone’s laundry was already in the washer, but the cycle was complete. And since they weren’t around and didn’t time up their wash perfectly like I do, I was in a common laundry debate with myself. Do I move this complete strangers clothes from the washer to the dryer or do I wait like an asshole for them to eventually come down and switch their loads themselves? Unsure and short on time last night, I quickly weighed the pros and cons of the situation:
Waiting for the stranger to do it themselves:
– Not touching someone elses clothes
– Wastes time
– Doesn’t allow me to have clean socks and underwear the next day
– Forces me to wear gym shorts as underwear
– I smell so bad the next day I get heckled from co-workers and they give me a nickname like “tuna can”. I am unable to take such scrutiny that the following week I attempt to kill myself by jumping off the company roof but only end up breaking both ankles and femurs.
Removing the laundry myself:
– Speeds up my laundry process
– Speeds up the strangers laundry process
– Speeds up the entire buildings laundry process
– Could find some sexy under garments from female neighbors
– Get caught removing the strangers personal belongings
– The chance of touching something gross (one time I did this and it was with children’s clothes and a small piece of feces fell on the floor out of a mini pair of jeans. It was horrible. Needless to say I ran the washer three times with nothing in it to sterilize it)
– Could find some disgusting under garments from female neighbors
So last night I obviously chose the non aggressive move. I waited until the stranger removed their laundry themselves. And as a result I am wearing gym shorts underneath my suit pants right now.
If someone calls me “tuna can” one more time today, I’m gona lose it.