Satirical Spotlight: Avery Bradley takes Rondo’s advice of smashing shit with Snapple bottles

Rajon Rondo is an elite point guard in the NBA. His style is must watch, his ball handling is superhuman, and his shooting is somewhat improving this year. But when Rondo is off the court, he acts like an 11-year-old girl. So when Avery Bradley approached Rajon Rondo last week in practice and asked for advice about creating his own image and brand, Rondo gave him a few pointers. Bradley is currently trying to seek an identity in his second year in the league so his eagerness and flexibility to do anything in order to get his name relevant in the NBA was evident.

So as Bradley begged Rondo for career guidance, Rajon told him that he had to create a buzz. “Just smash some shit with some glass bottles” Rondo said. “You think they respect you now, just wait until you break a ten ounce fragile glass bottle. Cats will know ya’ name in dis league.”

“Does it have to be a Snapple bottle?” Bradley said to a walking away Rondo.

Rondo stops walking and replies without turning around, “Was Rome built in a week?  Yes it has to be Snapple son.”

Soaking up every puzzling word, Bradley decided to take the awful advice Rondo offered. As confused and unsure of the situation that Bradley was at the time, he decided to go through with it.

So as Bradley left practice that day he went for a walk through Waltham, playing Rondo’s words in his head on a loop.  Eager to increase his popularity, Bradley finds an empty Snapple bottle on the side of the road.  He picks it up and without hesitation or aim, fires it at the building next to him.  But since Bradley never looked at what he was actually throwing the bottle at, a 12 oz. glass Snapple shattered a 10×10 piece of stained glass of Jesus that was part of a Church that was rebuilt from a horrible fire years ago.  Plans for a massive  reopening for the Church were scheduled for the following week.  Which was stated on a massive banner that was draped over the stained glass, that Bradley had also ripped through with his Snapple bottle smash.

Paralyzed with shock at the mess he created, Bradley falls to his knees and vomits on the spot.  He looks up to see the destroyed, rebuilt church and vomits again.

Sickened with himself and Rondo, Bradley picks himself up and jogs home holding his stomach while moaning faintly. Half way home, Rondo pulls up alongside Bradley in a Jeep Wrangler with a smile on his face.

“How does it feel playboy!?!” Rondo shouts at Bradley.

Bradley looks up at Rondo with drool and puke dripping off his face. “Uhhh, ya know…” And before Bradley could finish his sentence Rondo peels out in his Wrangler, kicking up dirt and pebbles that hit Bradley in the chest.

As a result of this, Bradley’s name is still yet to surface in the league. And also, the Church’s grand reopening was postponed 2 months.


2 thoughts on “Satirical Spotlight: Avery Bradley takes Rondo’s advice of smashing shit with Snapple bottles

  1. Amara Poe says:

    HA HA! I went to elementary and junior high with Avery. This is so halarious to me! Avery was always the one giving stupid advice… and now he’s the one taking it. Damn

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