Halloween Hangover: Worst candy of all time

If you’re waking up this morning on November 1, 2011 with a stomach ache that rivals post “gallon challenge”  because you ate a shit ton of candy, then something is wrong with you. Trick or treating in your mid 20’s is just strange. But if you’re like me, and last night reminded you of getting candy door to door when you were younger, then take a look at this list. This list, is by far some of the worst candy I have ever received from strangers. And although it is edible, all this candy did was weigh down your bag to give you street credit. Take a look…

Circus Peanuts:

All my life, I have never met anyone who enjoys this candy which is a tan/brown marshmallow molded into the form of a peanut.  The description alone is disgusting.  The marketing department for Circus Peanuts must have consisted of people with dreadful diets.  Hardened brown marshmallow?  No thanks.  The people handing out this candy on Halloween most likely give out coupons from the newspaper when the “good stuff” runs out.


Malt Balls: 

This may be considered an Easter candy, but I’ve received plenty of these balls of dirt on Halloween.  You bite into these things and they break up like chalk in your mouth.  But it isn’t chalk.  It’s rotten chocolate chalk.  Want to make someone immediately gag?  Give them a malt ball.  Want to ruin long-term relationships with family?  Give them a malt ball.  Want to see if your friend has the pallet equivalent to a homeless guy?  Give them a malt ball.

Candy Buttons:

Believe it or not, the Moose doesn’t hate this candy.  What I do hate however, is the packaging of this candy.  Because you know what’s wrong with pasting thin candy onto thin paper?  Everything.  I used to end up eating more paper than sugar when I had these things.  It’s impossible to enjoy this stuff and despite the different colors, every one tastes the same.  It blows my mind a uniform candy on toxic paper is still sold over the counter.

Fruit Stripe Gum: 

This stuff isn’t the worst either, but it sucked when it came to flavor.  You would get this at the house you visited, pop a piece in your mouth at the door, turn around, and by the time you reached the side-walk the flavor was completely drained from the gum.  Kind of tasted like you were chewing on an old, hard shoe lace.

Necco Wafers:

Old fashioned candy never sat well with me.  A candy that also refuses to remove the “black” flavor also never sat well with me.  Because who the hell eats the black flavor?  Why not double up on cherry or orange?  Does that not make sense?


Without a doubt, the most fun candy to play with.  You could roll this stuff into a ball, stretch it out,or even bounce it for god’s sake.  But eating it wasn’t nearly as fun.  The only time I ate Peeps was when I just use to bite off the heads of the…doves? ducks?  Whatever they were, I never had more than one.  They would just take up space in your bag and deter you from getting the giant pixie sticks or king sized Snickers.  Bad candy and too much packaging.  Worst of the worst.


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