God help me if the Celtics sign Kris Humphries

Yes the NBA is still a professional sport in this country and despite the lockout, the Celtics have been browsing over potential free agent signings for whenever the hell the season will start.  The Celtics are in need of a backup PF, and rumors have been circulating that the C’s might take a look at Kim Kardashian’s flavor of the month, Kris Humphries.

If you look at the exterior of Humphries, he seems like a good fit.  He’s a high energy player, a good rebounder (10.4rpg), and a  tough defender that scraps for loose balls.  He’s a somewhat reliable player that could easily replace Big Baby if he decided to sign his fat ass elsewhere.

But looking at Humphries from a different angle, at his personal life with the most attention seeking floozie this country has ever seen, signing him would be a flat out disaster.

Imagine this, Kim Kardashian walks into the Garden in a Celtics v. Heat Playoff game, casually late well into the second quarter.  All the attention shifts from the court to court-side as Kim pretends to cheer for her husband that she will inevitably divorce.  After the game, Kim leads the post-game press conference with nauseating and fake comments like “I thought the team played really well tonight” and “This is the best franchise in sports”.  I’m telling you, Humphries on the Celtics would be a bigger distraction than fireworks on the highway.

Kardashian would be an awful fit for Boston too.  The city is the worst place for famous people to reside.  Whenever there is a whisper of a celebrity in a certain area of Boston, people stampede in that direction like they were running from the plague.  To put it simply, Kim would get eaten alive.

So Humphries to the Celtics?  No thanks.

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