The Queen of them all, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, runs the Jersey Shore. Just like David Ortiz, she loves the attention and being in the spotlight. Big Papi and Snooki are the cornerstones of their “team,” both overpaid and both overweight…ouch.
Vinny – Kevin Faulk
In many ways Vinny is the Kevin Faulk of the Shore. He is relatively short, usually keeps to himself, and is not extremely important but must be around.
Deena – Glen “Big Baby” Davis
Two absolute sloppy messes are Deena and Big Baby. Both very round and obscene, these two are a perfect match. They are not very important to the grand scheme of things, but are able hang onto the rest of the cast of characters they work with.
Lucic and Ronnie are bruisers. Lucic is one of the toughest guys in the NHL and Ronnie is the toughest guy on the beach. One of Ronnie’s victims can be seen on the right. I would not want to get in the middle of a “Rammie” fight.
Sammi – Tim Wakefield
Sammi is the most boring member of the Jersey crew and for all of us who have been to Red Sox games that Tim Wakefield has pitched in then you know boring. Wakefield games go on forever and it is almost as sickening as watching Sammi cry about Ronnie. Just thinking of these two are making me fall asleep.
JWoww – Zdeno Chara
This mash-up is completely based on appearance. JWoww and Chara are monsters. Chara is like seven feet tall and looks like a Slovakian hit man. JWoww also looks like a Slovakian hit man, a Slovakian hit man with huge boobs.
Clowns. Pauly D and Chad Ochocinco are known for being the jokers around town. They are loud and proud and I don’t know many people who hate these guys. If you had a chance to hang out with any NFL receiver or Jersey Shore member, odds are you are choosing these guys.
The Situation – Kevin Garnett
The Situation and KG run the show. They both tell everyone what to do and aren’t afraid to be assholes. Everyone loves to hate The Situation and Kevin Garnett. Love ’em or hate ’em, they will make you laugh and they will make you cry.