How Kendrick Perkins got so drunk Saturday night…

Rajon Rondo finally got to chill with his favorite NBA Center this past weekend. They probably laughed, talked about how bogus the trade was, mocked Kevin Garnett and his mannerisms, and may or not have showered together in order to replicate “old times”. But according to different reports, Rondo was and was not there at the club where Perkins was arrested for public intoxication and disorderly conduct. But who cares. Perk didn’t get drunk at the club. The first alcohol seed was planted well before the stereotypical Texas nightclub. And Rondo, was most likely there. I’m assuming it went down like this:

5:32 PM

Rondo and Perk decide to get something to eat in order to start off the night on the right foot. Perk insists that he knows a fabulous sushi restaurant just a few blocks away. When Rondo and Perk sit to order their food at the restaurant, Perkins orders a hot dog and Rondo orders a cheeseburger. Perkins order his first drink of the night, Bacardi Limon served room temperature.

7:04 PM

Perk starts to feel a little buzzed after two and half room temperature Bacardi Limons. Rondo suggests they take off, because Perk’s feet begin to awkwardly touch Rondo’s under the table.

8:45 PM

Perk invites a group of friends over to his apartment to pre-game before the club. Rondo tells Perkins to stop drinking lukewarm Bacardi Limon because it’s gay. Perkins agrees, and pours himself a nice tall glass Raspberry Smirnoff.

9:59 PM

Perkins’ eyes begin to become glassy as his speech begins to fumble and his balance starts to go.  Rondo tells Perk he needs to eat something to soak up the booze and get a little sober before the club.  Rondo goes through Perkins’ cabinets and refrigerator, and only finds one can of Campbells Tomato Soup that expired in 2009.  Rondo makes it anyways but ends up spilling the entire pot because Perkins comes out of no where with a sloppy crossover dribble with a nerf basketball.  Perk kicks the empty soup pot on the floor afterwords.

11:47 PM

Perkins pulls Rondo into the garage and breaks down sobbing about the “Trade” .  In a sloppy, drooling, drunk state Perkins utters the words “How could Danny trade me for Namad Krispic?!…..NAMAD KRISPIC?!?!?!?”.

12:34 AM

Rondo tells Perk he’s going to split and head home.  Perkins gets up from his kitchen chair and grips the wall for support.  He gives Rondo an awkwardly long hug and almost takes him down in the process.  He makes Rondo say “I love you”.

1:11 AM

Perkins and his entourage arrive at the club and are offered complimentary Bud Light Limes.  Perk has never seen a Bud Light Lime before and thinks it is a Smirnoff Ice.  He takes the beer and pounds it in three gulps on one knee.

1:37 AM

Perkins gets comfortable at the entrance of the club with the bouncer.  Perkins belligerently/ teary eyed discusses “The Trade” with him as the bouncer replies, “Dude, I don’t have time for this right now”.  Perkins stumbles away steaming with rage.

1:59 AM

Perkins tries to report the bouncer of the club to the manager for being “unprofessional”.  When Perkins finds the manager, jumbled words come out and the only phrase the manager can make out is “the trade”.  In an attempt to bust Perkins’ balls, the manager goes into deep financial analysis of the trade, and how it will benefit the Celtics in the long run.  He then goes into a separate piece on how Jeff Green has a tremendous upside and Doc can coach him up to the player he wants to be.  Perkins snaps and throws the manager against a wall.  Perkins is arrested later that hour.

Former Celtic Kendrick Perkins was arrested early Saturday morning in his hometown of Beaumont, Texas on charges of public intoxication and disorderly conduct. Both are misdemeanors. According to reports, Perkins posted bond shortly after being booked and was released from Jefferson County Correctional Facility. Police said that Perkins was allegedly fighting the manager of a club called The Ticket when they arrived, according to an AP report.


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