Patriots of tomorrow molest Jaguars

(Photo by Elsa/Getty Images)

The Patriots exhibition game last night might have been one of the most anticipated meaningless games in the last five years.  Coming off of a nauseating playoff loss to the Jets, and getting through the lockout made last night feel like a resurrected religious ceremony.  Almost like the old church in town got renovated and everyone had to make it to the first session (I believe that’s what Christians and Catholics call ceremonies but what do I know, I read out of a scroll).  Before the game began I found myself repeating the phrase “I can’t believe the Patriots are actually on TV” to my friend who was drunk off of Bacardi (kind of gay).  And although the starters barely played, just seeing the Patriots wear their uniforms on the sideline was enough.  Not to ride the redundancy train into the ocean, but football is back.  A few things that stood out:

The stands were half full:

Although this negates the top paragraph in regards to the “most anticipated meaningless game in the past five years”, the New England crowd didn’t even attempt to make the stadium look half full.  Pre-season games are cheap gifts for season ticket holders, and I’m guessing the majority of the crowd were pink hats asking “Why isn’t Tom Brady playing” in the fourth quarter.

Stevan Ridley says hello to the NFL

 

Stevan Ridley:

The rookie running back out of LSU’s performance last night opened eyes and created “Stevan Ridley” groupies.  Consider Ridley as a bonus, because no one was talking about him going into this preseason game.  The dude had 16 carries for 64 yards and 2 TD to go along with 7 catches for 47 yards and 1 TD.

The Brian Hoyer/Ryan Mallet Show:

Try this on for size:

Brian Hoyer – 15/21, 171 yards, 1 TD

Ryan Mallet – 12/19 164 1 TD

To say the least, it will be a lot of fun to watch these two play the next three preseason games.  Rumor has it that teams were going after Hoyer this off-season, and were willing to give up as much as a 2nd round draft pick.  Although last night was a preseason game, his stock definitely rose a tad.  Mallet’s laser arm was on display last night as he connected with Ridley on his only TD pass.  The broadcasters saying “Mallet to Ridley” could be the future staple call for the kid from Arkansas.

Zoltan Mesko kicking the ball out of bounds on a bad snap:

Not really important at all, but it’s always hilarious when a punter has to kick the ball off the ground out of bounds.  It was either doing that or getting a full body bone bruise from the Jaguars D-Line.

Taylor Price:

Now say it with me now….”Goodbye Edelman”.  If Price can give one more performance like that this preseason, Edelman’s ticket out of New England is sealed.  Price had 5 catches for 105 yards and 1 TD.  Again, if Price can prove he can perform, he is just another added bonus to this squad.

Dane Fletcher:

Fletch had 6 total tackles, 2 tackles for loss, and 1 QB hit.  He was blowing up shit all night and looked pretty damn suave wearing Teddy Johnson’s old jersey number.  Hopefully he brings everyone on the team some cool baseball stuff tomorrow.

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