Three things that will happen if Brett Favre returns to the NFL

Rumors have been swirling this past weekend that Brett Favre, could be returning to an NFL roster this upcoming season.  The possible destination for Favre to land is speculated to be Philadelphia, a team that already has an MVP caliber quarterback and a backup that could start on any NFC West team.  Even though the Eagles responded to the Favre rumors with a resounding “No”, the thought of Favre coming back sends familiar irritating chills down the spines of rational NFL fans.  But, what if Favre actually does comes back?  Well if he does, these things will happen for sure…

1) Brett will provide bathroom pleasuring material for the ESPN NFL Countdown crew for yet another season:

Nobody loves Brett Favre more than the old bastards on the NFL Countdown show.  Every week last year, the sagging crew praised Favre by saying “it’s amazing that he’s doing this at his age” on repeat.  They’re right.  Throwing picks at the end of big games and sending male junk text messages is pretty insane for a 41-year-old man to do.

2) Mike Vick will not start every game:

Vick will miss one or two games this year based on his style of play alone, but expect Favre to step in and take the city of Philadelphia by storm with a W over a lowly NFC team.  But what about the backup Kevin Kolb? Ya, what about him.  Not a chance Favre would let the coaching staff label himself as the third QB on the depth chart.  In Favre’s mind, past achievements outweigh current young talent any day.  When Vick is ready to come back from that week off of play, expect a quarterback debate to see who starts.  Just don’t be surprised if Favre wins it.

3) Complete obliteration of team chemistry:

Favre’s history of destroying teams from within have been well documented.  And why would he change now?  Favre will memorize the plays he wants to remember.  All of them will include him chucking the ball as far as he can down the field, eliminating any offensive strategy the Eagles coaching staff had in place.  And practice?  Nothing like an hour late arrival to each session that shows veteran leadership, making Kolb take all of the snaps that involve the run game.  Oh, and don’t forget the practice days that Favre won’t even show up to because of “personal issues” or body dings.  Favre will know eight player’s names, but play it off by greeting everyone else he doesn’t know with a ” what’s going on boss” salutation with a southern drawl.

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