Sports Report: National Donut Day

 Today is National Donut/Doughnut Day, so we at the Jam were giving away free Jelly donuts. The catch, you ask? We bought the donuts on May 3rd, which is when Moose thought National Donut Day was.

So to celebrate National Donut Day I thought I would take a look at the athletes that love this day more than any other holiday. These are the athletes that would take advantage of this day most and are going to put Dunkin Donuts out of business when they find out about the free donuts today.

First on our list of donut lovers is Prince Fielder. Yes, Prince is a vegetarian, but he still weighs anywhere between 275 and 300lbs. How could a vegetarian stay this big? Massive amounts of non diet soda.  Well, non diet soda and donuts.

Coming in at the two spot we have the retired old bastard Shaq.  No secret Shaq loves to eat his donuts, along with the Celtics’ 2011 title hopes.  Yes, Moose did tell me to put that in there.

And rounding off the list for fat, gluttonous athletes who can’t say no to the hole is Vince Wilfork.  Vince is going to have to stay well above 400 pounds in order to anchor the Pat’s defense so we should try to shove as many donuts down his gullet as possible.  Sure he might die early due to premature heart failure, but taking away the running game from the opposition is pretty important.

So there you have it donut molesters.  Abuse the system and hit up as many Dunkin Donuts chains as you can.  Because one day, people are going to find out that these things are bad for us and they will be banned in certain areas.  Just like they did with cigarettes.


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