fenway_fire

Satirical Spotlight: What really happened with the Fenway fire

Boston.com - A short circuit near a light fixture on a wall caused a small fire this morning in the administrative offices of the Boston Red Sox at historic Fenway Park. Fire officials estimated the blaze caused $100,000 in damage. Firefighters were called to the ballpark around 11:30 a.m. and found the fire, fueled by papers and other items, burning inside the mailroom on the second floor of 4 Yawkey Way. 

If you have ever watched a crime movie you would know this is a classic setup job. Now the question remains, who would be setting a Fenway Park administrative office on fire? Here are some scenarios our experts have come up with:

Moose: Terry Francona broke in to try and retrieve his hidden stash of Red Man chewing tobacco. He obviously hid it behind the electrical outlet in the mailroom where nobody would ever find it . He needed something to remove the outlet and the only thing he could find was a metal letter opener. Francona got electrocuted, the mail lit on fire, he picked up his chew, ran away and didn’t bother calling the fire department. Bad idea Tito.

Scal: This is a classic case of a Yankee fan trying to ruin the Red Sox season. A couple fat drunk Italians tossed some molotov cocktails into the administrative offices, spray painted “A-Rod Rules” on the Monster, and then grabbed a couple pizza pies from Pizzeria Regina in the North End. A nice little Monday for the New Yorkers.

Rev Knick: I think we all know what really happened… Lackey got hungry, called up his boys in the Fenway mailroom. Had them deep fry a turkey that they would then ship to Florida for him. Unfortunately the mailroom crew aren’t the best cooks and they botched the deep frying of the turkey. Next thing they knew the place was up in flames. Lackey is still pissed he has yet to get that turkey.

Mr. MBA: Moose heard about some alleged nude pictures of John Henry’s wife being left in the mail room. The classic perv that Moose is he tries to break into said mailroom. He figures out that the pictures are actually of John Henry and not his wife. Gross. He immediately lit the photos on fire, tossed them on a pile of mail, and the rest is history. Classic Moose.

Kooz: Josh Beckett was pissed that NASCAR was playing with his emotions and postponing the Daytona 500. So how else would you take out your frustrations than by lighting up the office of the owners of Fenway racing? There is no other way if you’re Josh Beckett.

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