5. Larry Johnson We start this week’s list of not so proud father’s on Father’s Day with Larry Johnson, or as he is better know by his nickname, “Grandmama”. It is believed that LJ has fathered 5 different children with 4 different women during his illustrious 42 years of living, and all of his money that he made back in the day by hawking Converse sneakersis believed to be directly delivered to those young’n’s in the form of child support. Kind of depressing to think that now, the Converse shoe line, much like Johnson’s playing career, is a distant memory to most people. What’s not depressing, however, is the ability to go back and watch Larry Johnson play basketball along side Steve Urkel during an episode of “Family Matters.” Its just a thing of beauty.
4. George Foreman George is not like the rest of the folks on this list, mainly because he is an upstanding citizen, and he has contact with all of his children most likely everyday. What is kind of crazy though is that he has 11 kids. And out of those 11 kids, 6 of them are boys, which all bare the same name… George. In order to keep them legally identifiably, Foreman tagged each in a number system fashion, such as George II, George III, etc. But my question here is how hard was it to discipline those kids growing up. I mean, how the hell do you tell them apart? Do you say George in different tones like you’re grunting the alphabet? Or do you call each kid by their own assigned number? Like if George the third was caught urinating in a pool with all of the other George’s in there, do you just stop and yell, “Hey, 3, pinch it up or else I’m gonna rip that thing off!” George probably wouldn’t threaten to take away his own child’s manhood like that, but I’m sure boiling points of this magnitude have been flirted with in the Forman Household.
3. Shawn Kemp Apersonal favorite athlete of Moose, and personal father of seven children that Shawn had with six different women. And that’s just what’s on record, because rumor has it (gotta love the rumor mill) that Kemp may have a fewmore kids scattered across the Basketball cities of America. When researching Mr. Kemp,I noticed on his Wikipedia page that his official name, in its fullest form, is Shawn T. Kemp. Thus meaning that either no one knows his legitimate middle name, including Shawn, or that his middle name is actually just the letter T. Regardless, I wonder if Shawn’s children considered themselves cursed for the rest of their lives due to the fact that because of who their father is, theyhave to rock a flat top hair cut. Like, it’s a must. I don’t care if you’re a girl, or if you’ve got a receding hair line. When you’re Shawn Kemp’s seed, youhave to honor the man by showcasing a fresh flat top cut. That includes any child that has the slightest possibility of Shawn being their father.
2. Evander Holyfield
Real quick side note here with Evander; did anyone know that he had a game released for Sega Game Gear titled “Evander Holyfield’s Real Deal Boxing”? I just found this out today, and I feel like one of those guys on the Maury Show when Maury tells them they ARE the father, like a big piece of my life has been missing and it just smacked me in the face with an open palm. Anyways, back to the Script. Evander currently has fathered 11 children with a couple different women. I know it may not surprise you considered the circumstances of this list, but the interesting thing about it is that Evander is a proud born again Christian. And when I say proud, I’m talking one of those guys who walks around preaching all day and wants to share the special powers of god every waking second there is possible. Now, I’m kind of an expert on the subject, because I’m a Reverend, and I’m pretty sure the bible doesn’t exactly give a person free reign to start firing off kids like its going out of style. Maybe I’m wrong, but just saying.
1. Travis Henry At last, the final non role model athlete father, and a repeat offender to the Top 5 countdown list. I’ve always had a soft spot for Mr. Henry, considering he was the star running back for my Buffalo Bills a few years back when the team actually was still considered a formidable member of the NFL. But now, knowing the fact that Travis has had at least 11 different children with 10 different women, my theory of worshiping this guy has been altered jusssst a little bit. Funny thing is, with so many kids, it is believed that T-Henry’s child support bill every year is somewhere in the ball park of $170,000. And it gets worse, because he is currently in jail on a 10 year bid for drug trafficking charges. His drug of choice? You guessed it, cocaine. In reality though, if you were an ex athlete, not receiving a check anymore, and were expected to dish out 170 k each year, you’d probably do the same thing Travis did. You can say you’d get a desk job, but we both know damn well you wouldn’t.